Fussing and Fighting (Contemporary Canadian Fatherhood)

Mike Kirney · Post by **Mike Kirney** » Sat Jan 17, 2004 6:10 pm

Evidently we have lost our focus here on the PULSEJET forums again, so I will take this opportunity to post some outrageous stories from the personal lives of some people I know. It makes me wonder what our society will be like in 20 years.

Story One:

This guy I know, a starving artist type (just published his first book of poetry), was dating this woman for over a year. They had been living together for months when one day she decided she wanted to have a baby, but instead of planning it with my pal, she fished one of their used condoms out of the garbage one night and took care of business on her own (he caught her, that's how I know). She is now the mother of a healthy baby boy, and now she is trying to get all the father's visitation rights etc. taken away in court (even though he sends her 1/4 of his meager income for child support). Most people I have spoken with think she is nuts (even her friends), but her brother, sister, and father are all lawyers and quite wealthy too. It will be very interesting to see what sort of judgement the Ontario Family Court makes.

Story Two:

This other guy I know, a real loser actually, joined the army a couple of years ago. He had a girlfriend of several years and would often visit her while on leave. Last April, she confronted him with the news that she had stopped taking her 'pills' in February and was quite pregnant, but that if he didn't want to get involved with raising a family, that was okay, because she thought he was useless anyway. This was all just as he was about to break off their relationship. Well, her parents and his parents are very close, and the four of them co-erced the unhappy couple into getting married. Some guys deal with stress by drinking or fighting or whatever, but this guy chose to go AWOL for FOUR WEEKS on a marijuana binge!!! While he was gone, the MPs searched his kit and found hit-lists and rocks with peoples names written on them, along with some other bizarre and forbidden material. When he got back to base, he was promptly psychiatrically assessed, court-martialled, and medically discharged. So now he has a baby on the way, a loveless marriage to look forward to, thousands of dollars of fines to pay, and a great big black spot on his employment record, oh yeah, and no job! Ouch.

Bruno Ogorelec · Post by **Bruno Ogorelec** » Mon Jan 19, 2004 10:07 am

So many people I know are totally incapable of managing their lives, either alone or in marriage.

I am not much for living alone, though I did for a while, not very happily. I even wrote a story about those supposedly carefree days. But, my marrige -- a thing 90 percent of the people seem to fail at -- has been an unqualified success. I've been happily married for 28 years now.

I don't even see it as much of a struggle. Can't see how someone who is able to manage a complex business cannot succeed in managing a marriage. They do in wedlock things they would never even think of doing in a company.

Of course, as Mike's stories show, on of the secrets is not entering into a marriage that's obviously doomed from the start. Shotgun weddings are a sure-fire recipe for disaster.

Mike, you seem to view women in those two cases as culprits. However, I ask you, what possessed the two men to associate with the two witches in the first place? They should have styed at homeand built pulsejets in the garage.

Mike Kirney · Post by **Mike Kirney** » Mon Jan 19, 2004 6:11 pm

brunoogorelec wrote: Mike, you seem to view women in those two cases as culprits. However, I ask you, what possessed the two men to associate with the two witches in the first place? They should have styed at homeand built pulsejets in the garage.

Well the woman in the first story was actually quite charming when I met her two summers ago. I would have courted her myself, given the chance. I don't know what happened to her. Maybe some post-partum thing, or maybe pressure from her ultra-conservative father is driving her crazy. The guy in the second story needed a "mama" to take care of him as he can barely do his own laundry, let alone make scrambled eggs or a plate of spaghetti for himself, so thats how he wound up with his snaggle-toothed mate. I told him he should run away to Alberta and get a job on the oil rigs there because Alberta does not honour family support orders or even some provincial arrest warrants originating in Ontario. Personally, I've always dreamed of having a successful marriage. My mother and father were married for 27 years, until death did them part. My problem is, I LOVE living alone. For me, the peace and quiet and relative freedom of action are simply addictive. I hope I grow up soon, because I'm running out of time. My friend and I were discussing this the other day, and he claimed that if you haven't gotten hitched by the time you are 30, its pretty much game over, because the only people who are still single after 30 are psychotic. I'm pretty sure he is right.

Bruno Ogorelec · Post by **Bruno Ogorelec** » Mon Jan 19, 2004 6:39 pm

Mike Kirney wrote:My friend and I were discussing this the other day, and he claimed that if you haven't gotten hitched by the time you are 30, its pretty much game over, because the only people who are still single after 30 are psychotic. I'm pretty sure he is right.

Well, there may be some truth in that, but these days, people are staying single longer than before. Also, you can always find someone who has been divorced and may be willing to give marriage a second chance.

Marriage -- apart from the attraction of sharing things with someone you trust -- is all about tolerance and awareness that you are far, far below 100-percent perfect and can't expect perfection in the other person.

If you run your business, you look at accounts and you look at two columns -- assets and liabilities, revenues and expenditures. Yet, in private life, you only look at liabilities and expenditures and irritations and then bitch about them. No one I talk to appears to count his blessings.

A happy marriage is the most wonderful thing in the world. I've been a bit wild since very early age and never had a dull moment. I've been around in my life, travelled a lot, crossed the line innumerable times, had incredible things happen to me, victories and defeats, did most things I have wanted to do -- but if you ask me what has been the best thing that has ever happened to me, it must be my marriage.

But, I'll allow that it's not everyone's cup of tea. And, a good partner is not that easy to find. My wife has been a friend and a partner and a companion all those 28 years. We've done most things together (and it's been quite a variety of things) and stuck with each other through thick and thin. It counts for a lot. She's the only persion in the Universe I dare turn my back to.

It's just like in those old books and movies. I can't imagine living with anyone else. I am an incredibly lucky person.

Post by **Mike Everman** » Tue Jan 20, 2004 7:19 am

My partner didn't find the girl of his dreams until he was 51. He fancied her, but saw her hugging some guy every friday night for about ten years and finally discovered he is her brother. She owned the best bar in town and didn't drink, and doesn't mind that he does. He'd never been married before, and she'd had awful experiences with men, with two grown daughters and a grand-daughter. They are very happy together.

I'm lucky to have found Cindy, my third and final wife, coming up on 10 years married, met her when I was 35. I like that bit about "she's the only one I can turn my back on" It would make a good country-western song if it could somehow be construed as bad luck!