Turbines are ruining aviation

[Bruno Ogorelec]

Found this on the web:

We must get rid of turbines. They are ruining aviation. We need to go back to big radial engines. Anybody can start a turbine. You just need to move a switch from OFF to START and then remember to move it back to ON after a while. My PC is more difficult to start. Cranking a radial engine requires skill, finesse and style. On some planes, the pilots are not even allowed to do it.

Turbines start by whining for a while, then give a small lady-like poot and start whining louder. Radial engines give a satisfying rattle-rattle, click-click BANG, more rattles, another BANG, a big macho fart or two, more clicks, a lot of smoke and finally a serious low pitched roar. We like that. It's a guy thing. When you start a radial engine, your mind is engaged and you can concentrate on the flight ahead. Starting a turbine is like flicking on a ceiling fan: useful, but hardly exciting.

Turbines don't break often enough, leading to aircrew boredom, complacency, and inattention. A radial engine at speed looks and sounds like it's going to blow up at any minute. This helps focus the mind. Turbines don't have enough control levers to keep a pilot's attention; there's nothing to fiddle with during the flight. Turbines smell like a Boy Scout camp full of Coleman lanterns. Radial engines smell like God intended flying machines to smell.

I think I hear the nurse coming down the hall. I gotta go.

[multispool]

That sounds so convincing, I'm tempted to throw my turbines out with the trash! :cry:

[Hank]

Right, Bruno- You get the "Boom" Trenchard award of the day. He was the fellow who made the statement about 1917 that "Real men don't wear parachutes."