Bruce Simpson's completed orders straw poll

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Viv
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Bruce Simpson's completed orders straw poll

Post by Viv » Tue Jul 20, 2004 2:05 am

Ok lets do a simple straw pole shall we?

Please answer in the same format for the poll, comments should be posted in the "Bruce Simpson comments thread"

Have you ever ordered something from Bruce Simpson?

When did you order it?

Did it arrive?

How much was the total order?

How did you pay?

"Sometimes the lies you tell are less frightening than the loneliness you might feel if you stopped telling them" Brock Clarke

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Monsieur le commentaire

dwenger
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Post by dwenger » Tue Jul 20, 2004 12:23 pm

Yes, I ordered the Pulsejet Book.

Ordered on 10 MAY 2004.

Not yet, never!!

$48.00 USD (Give or take.)

Paid with PayPal on 10 MAY 2004.

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Post by Mike Everman » Fri Jul 23, 2004 1:07 am

I just asked for my pwd, he responded and I've downloaded the book.
Mike
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Rescyou
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Excuse Goose

Post by Rescyou » Sat Jul 24, 2004 4:34 pm

At the time of Bruce War I a coalition was formed by his customers to seek monies and/or products outstanding. $5000-$7500USD in payments were either revoked via credit card / banks or still remain outstanding to this day.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The reason I bitch so much about this is the simple fact that it still goes on today and dirties the p-jet community. This B.S. has been going on for years and people are still getting farked. I just hope our bitching here may warn off other innocent people.

It's like waking up on Christmas day to get your new shiny pulse-jet only to find Santa Claus in a blue latex, prison issue gimp suit donning his second hand pair of rubber gloves and a half drum of anal-ease strapped to his back....

Actual Excuses I've been given, or have been given publically:

Have been ill
Email doesn't work
Couriers can't ship for a few months because of 9/11
Email doesn't work
Blew myself up
Have been ill
Email doesn't work
Has head injury
Email doesn't work

Excuses we may see in the future:

Has friction burned/chaffed willy due to livestock kamasutra.... again

Finishing a study on the number of corn kernels eaten Vs. cord kernels pooped out

Blew a few sphincters after an all night porno-twister game

Herd of free range, special edition wiener dogs treed the courier for a week

Used Duct tape instead of condom and now has missing penile skin, gotta get an immediate graft.

Going into acting and are presently reading for the part of:
"Dildo Baggins" in the Hugh Heffner version of "Lord of the Rings"
"Rumpled Foreskin" in Pornochio
"Phil DeCrevis" in "Clitty Clitty Gang Bang"
"Harry Ballsanya" in "On Golden Blonde"
"Hand Solo" in "Porn Wars"
"Box Von Cokhurst" in "Big Trouble in Little Vagina"
"Papa Smurf" in "Papa Smurf Does Dallas"

Must partake in annual bath as water is starting to bead off like a duck

Had some excessive pressure issues during yesterdays enema of the day

Black helicopters are taking sniper shots.... again

Close to solving the relationship of testicles to the little twirly balls at the gasoline pump

In mourning after the loss of favorite sheep who chose to jump off the cliff rather then face the velcro glove treatment again

Achilles tendon injury due to bagpipe recital of the chicken dance last night

Dog ate my homework then dry-humped your exhaust tube

Virtual Dildonics just sponsored my XXX-Jet and Dildodyne, must get it done immediately

Gotta go to the North pole to beat and/or bugger the elves a little more so everything is ready for Christmas this time

Undergoing an addtesticleontome procedure

Tried to suck start a dyna-jet and burnt my lips

Must visit brother-in-law Saddam in Iraqistan

In hospital again... Cheese graters and masturbation don't mix

Rare flying ostrich was sucked into courier jet intake

Caught the good nut in zipper...again

Christmas season started early and I haven't finished naughty/nice list

Tax man cometh and taketh me away... again

Just got bitch slapped from George W. for claiming to make a cruise missile for no other reason than publicity

Weapons grade plutonium turned out to be farm grade manure and Al Qaeda wants their money back

Spandex clad, transvestite circus midgets wearing sumo diapers held up the courier...again........ bastards!

Rescyou keeps peeing in my cornflakes


s.
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Tom
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Post by Tom » Sat Jul 24, 2004 4:44 pm

Although some provided me with a cheap laugh, that could well be to do with my current state of mind (slightly hungover). Lets try and keep it clean ok? Some of us can lock this whenever we feel the need, and that feeling is starting to show up a bit.

Tom
Experience speaks more then hypothesizing ever can. More-so in chemistry.

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Post by Mike Everman » Sat Jul 24, 2004 5:07 pm

That was a lot of work, Chris. It's a bit over the top, are you feeling OK? (Pink Floyd) My trigger finger is itchy, too, my friend. Perhaps there are times in a man's life that he needs 15 or so excuses. It's not the right way to handle things, and all evidence points to severe lack of good judgement and integrity, but perhaps there are better ways to encourage restitution?
Mike
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Bruno Ogorelec
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Post by Bruno Ogorelec » Sat Jul 24, 2004 5:48 pm

"Tried to suck start a dyna-jet and burnt my lips."

I liked that one the best. :o)

Al Belli
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Burnt lips

Post by Al Belli » Sat Jul 24, 2004 8:25 pm

Reminds Me about the stupid wannabe terrorist that showed up at the meeting with blisters on his lips. He had been sent out to blow up a bus.

Al Belli

paul skinner
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Post by paul skinner » Sat Jul 24, 2004 8:55 pm

Reminds Me about the stupid wannabe terrorist that showed up at the meeting with blisters on his lips. He had been sent out to blow up a bus.
Hey. My claim to fame has come back. I was in "Meatballs" in 1979 (camp movie with Bill Murray). I was one of the hundreds of extras on the set as a kid camper. Lot's of fun. This joke was in that movie...

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I LOVE that movie!

Post by Mike Kirney » Sat Jul 24, 2004 9:16 pm

NO WAY!!! You MUST post a pic of yourself in that movie. I demand that the mods prevent you from posting any messages until you provide us with at least one still from the movie with you in it.
Trig IS fun.

paul skinner
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Post by paul skinner » Sat Jul 24, 2004 10:49 pm

YES WAY. Fun movie. My Aunt (Linda Russell) was the casting director on the set. She asked my mum if my brother and I wanted to be in the movie. And we said yes. Harvey Atkin was in this also (the voice of Leons furniture in Canada, really nice guy). Shot at Camp White Pine in a place Towhee here in Ontario (cottage country)...We basically ran around for 3 weeks, ate nothing but chips, ho ho's, and KFC, never bathed, and had the best times of our young lives. We made scale (which was about $10 a day CDN in those days). I'd have to search the movie to find a scene I could clip and post, but you can see my brother and I in the bus scene giving our camp councilor a hard time when she wants us on the bus, and we're in the general food area and other exterior shots. We didn't have any lines, just had to be brats and have a good time. And we did. I met Bill briefly, nice guy from what I remember.

So. There you have it. My one shot at fame. Woop dee doo.

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Post by Mike Everman » Sat Jul 24, 2004 11:47 pm

Hey, I think my brother in law was a kid extra too, Robbie Helgesen. No wait, he was in the chorus that sang "are you ready for the summer?"
Mike
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