Did you listen? NoooOOOooo ...

[larry cottrill]

This goes in the Humor section. This is the announcer's lead-in for a radio commercial for something or other that is now airing a few times per week on WHO Radio out of Des Moines:

"Change your underpants every day. What if you're in an accident?

Put down that stick - someone could lose an eye!

If you keep making that face, someday it'll freeze like that!"

Did you listen to your mother? Or are you sittting in a hospital bed with dirty underpants, one eye and a frozen face?

Sorry, but I think that is hilarious. It still cracks me up every time I happen to hear it.

Feel free to post any funny commercial dialogue here - but it has to be something you really heard on a broadcast station!

L Cottrill

[Bruce Tharpe]

Okay, I'll play... I've heard yours Larry and it's great!

My favorite is an older radio public service announcement by the two crash test dummies. They are in a museum, and the first crash test dummy says, "Hey, look at this vase. It's baroque."

Second crash test dummy replies, "Why, did you ba-reak it?"

So stupid; cracks me up everytime too...

[Al Belli]

Hi,

It has been said that I have a strange sense of humor.
You be the judge !!

Al Belli

Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery.

A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.

Practice safe eating - always use condiments.

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.

Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Corduroy pillows are making headlines.

Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?

Sea captains don't like crew cuts.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.

Without geometry, life is pointless.

When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.

Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red.

A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.

What's the definition of a will? (Come on, it's a dead giveaway!)

A backwards poet writes inverse.

In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism, your count votes.

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I'll show you
A flat minor.

When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.

The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in
Linoleum Blownapart.

You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.

He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

Every calendar's days are numbered.

A lot of money is tainted. It t'aint yours and it t'aint mine.

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a
small medium at large.

Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.

When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought
she'd dye.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture is a jab well done.

[Al Belli]

More corn !!

Al Belli

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The
ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you,
but don't start anything."

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says:
"A beer please, and one for the road."

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this
taste funny to you?"

7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'" "That
sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"Well, It's Not Unusual."

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to
Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe
you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to
look at either.

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't
find any.

12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,
Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you
can't - I've cut off your arms!"

13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and
says "Dam!".

16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in
the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't
have your kayak and heat it too.

17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing
in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an
hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't
stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

[Al Belli]

Last one; I promise !!!

Al Belli

There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys.
The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.
Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 0800.


The next day at 0845 there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door.
The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee.
He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.
The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor.


When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmos all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up.
At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmos.
She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.
The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs.


The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter.
After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena.
"I'm sorry," he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday........
"Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles".

[Bruno Ogorelec]

Al, I loved your puns!

[marksteamnz]

Heard about the dyslexic graffiti "Dyslexia rules KO"

A bloke goes to see the doctor. Doc he says it hurts when I press here and here and here on my body what's wrong. Easy says the Doctor You've got a sore finger.

[paul fellows]

my fravorate dyslexic joke is the one about the dyslexic pimp who bought him self a warehouse.


to enyone thinking about a manned pulsejet flight
remember takeoff is allways optional but landing is compulsrey

[Bruno Ogorelec]

my fravorate dyslexic joke is the one about the dyslexic pimp who bought him self a warehouse.

I like the one where a lucky dyslexic sold his soul to Santa.

[paul fellows]

First I'll tell you a story, its not as funny as it could be because, it is essentially true.

Back when I was at school, way back before the invention of the pc, I was given the task of writing an essay about something that I had seen on TV that I did not like. So I set to and wrote a essay about how there where to many animal programs on telly and in particular that we where seeing far too much of the world famous naturist David Attenborough.

Now whilst I have got you, to pick your brains. I am very interested in valveless pulse jet theory, I have read your piece in the essential reading and the stuff about what makes a great engine. are there any other good theoretical reads that spring to mind? Or people who are relay sound on theory to pay attention to?

Ps just in case you don't know, David Attenborough is naturalist and a naturist walks around with out clothes . It goes to show that one wrong word can change the meaning completely.

[Bruno Ogorelec]

are there any other good theoretical reads that spring to mind?

Bwahahahahaha

any other good theoretical reads...

That's a good one.

My paper is very far from a good theoretical read.

I've been begging people for help on making it better and sounder and more serious on theory, but no one I have asked was willing to jump in. Sorry.

All the sources I know are sketchy on pulsejets. Quite possibly the best I know is Foa J. V., 1960, Elements of Flight Propulsion, John Wiley and Sons Inc., New York.

[paul fellows]

its the best iv found so far
all i seem to get are people telling me that i am wrong and that i don't understand
whtch of couse is quite true but i'm learning or trying
i notice that the thundercain copies only work if they stick a wet sock in one of the intakes perhaps if they had known a bit more theory they would not have spoiled the kedency by having it suck to much air

on acoustics i noticed here viewtopic.php?f=3&t=3104&st=0&sk=t&sd=a ... FFT#p38146 and here viewtopic.php?f=3&t=4085&p=57624&hilit= ... FFT#p57624 that some valveless pulse jets seem to have the even harmonics present if i am not missreading that

[paul fellows]

epitaph to a pioneering aviatrix.

Here lies the body of Beartix Aeortrix.
her first pulse jet flight,
was going alright.
But when to low to bail,
the valve it did fail.
Dropping her right in the,
shipyard.

There was a young lady from Crew,
and by pulse jet she flew.
Over London she buzzed,
caused one hell of a fuss,
and was shot down by the RAF over Cue,

[paul fellows]

In what way are pulse jet theorists like talking clocks?

If you have one
you can be certain about what time it is,
if you have two
you can be certain of nothing.